How to Introduce Chastity Play to Your Relationship
on 21 Feb 2022
The Lovehoney Forum is host to a wealth of sex tips and advice from its members, and we are very excited to welcome a few as guest bloggers to share their knowledge, experience and passion about a variety of sex topics. Talking about chastity play, we welcome Rockstar as our second forum guest blogger.
We are a heterosexual couple, and we’ve been together for 49 years. I am 70 and my wife is 69. Apart from the usual periods of work-related stress and child-related exhaustion throughout the years, our sex life has been enjoyable and varied.
And over the last 20 years or so, with the discovery of sex toys, it’s become more and more experimental and exciting. I first came across the idea of male chastity in a post on the Lovehoney forum and it piqued my interest immediately.
Introducing Male Chastity to My Partner
Before I broached the subject to my wife, I did a lot of online research about the concept, the lifestyle and, of course, the hardware needed. I also downloaded a lot of literature.
It is vital that your partner (known as ‘the keyholder’) is willing to participate in this, otherwise it quickly becomes a futile exercise. Over the years it is fair to say that I have almost always been the instigator of sexual activities and of new ideas, but my wife has always been a keen participant.
This time she was a little wary as she was worried that I was dissatisfied with the relationship we already had, and also worried about taking on the responsibilities associated with being the dominant partner in a male chastity lifestyle. We talked the whole thing through and decided to give it a try, taking small steps at a time and taking on only the concepts that we were both comfortable with.
I bought my first chastity cage from Lovehoney and began wearing it in March 2021, so it’s approaching two years since we began the new phase in our relationship. So far it has proven to be an overwhelmingly positive change. My wife has adapted well to being in total control of my sexual stimulation and my orgasms, and has taken over full responsibility for her own too.
She teases me physically (by edging and stroking but not allowing me to come) and mentally (by promising me stimulation then denying me or by allowing me to watch her but not take part when she masturbates) but she only allows me to orgasm as and when she sees fit (typically every 3 to 5 weeks). When she does finally allow me to orgasm it is usually an amazing experience and well worth the wait.
During this period of denial, I find myself becoming more and more sensitised to the slightest physical contact and my increasing sexual frustration manifests itself as a desire to please her in any way possible. She initially found it a little overpowering but has now come to appreciate it. The most enjoyable aspect, though, is that it massively increases the amount of non-sexual intimacy between us.
An additional bonus for me, though not necessarily a natural progression of the male chastity lifestyle, has been the opportunity to explore my submissive side – this is a new and interesting direction for both of us.
What Male Chastity Devices Should I Wear?
My first cage, and one which I still wear regularly, was the DOMINIX Deluxe Chastity Cock Cage. It is one of the larger cages, but it’s very comfortable for long-term wear and can be cleaned thoroughly without removing it. I have worn this cage and other similar metal cages on a permanent basis for long periods (especially during Locktober) without any problems.
I have tried rigid plastic cages but I find that they need to be removed on a daily basis in order to be thoroughly cleaned. Personally, I also find them to be too light. I quite enjoy the constant stimulation of the heavier metal cages throughout the day. Silicone cages are very flexible and, like plastic cages, also need to be removed for thorough cleaning.
There are some things to watch out for when wearing any chastity cage.
Cleanliness is obviously the first consideration and the cage really needs to be thoroughly cleaned on a daily basis as a minimum requirement.
Those of us who are not circumcised may find that there’s a fair amount of loose skin to be tucked away into the cage. Since we are fitting an organ that can change size and shape into a rigid container, this loose skin can get pinched or trapped. This necessitates a very quick removal and for this reason (and also because of the need for frequent cleaning) the cage wearer needs to be able to remove the cage themself in an emergency.
Urination can be tricky. Cock cages produce a random spray of urine so most wearers tend to sit down when they need to wee. If using a urinal, I hide the cage as far as possible with my hands and stand as close to the urinal as possible.
Erections: As part of the tease/denial scenario, your keyholder will stimulate you to try to make your penis erect inside the cage. This can be a very enjoyable experience as once you get hard the cage will grip you and keep you erect for quite a while.
Nighttime erections are a different story though. As you become erect your penis will pull the cage forwards, taking your testicles with it. This stretches the skin behind the testicles causing ‘skin burn’. This is normally enough to wake you up and, once you have urinated, the erection will subside and you can get back to sleep. Some users advise that a smaller cage will prevent the erection so the problem will not occur but I have not found this to be the case.
Since I am older I tend to need to urinate at night more frequently than most so in the end, I decided to wear my cage only during my waking hours apart from October (Locktober) where I commit myself to wearing it 24/7 for the whole month.
Buying a Cage
If you are thinking about trying the male chastity lifestyle you obviously need to choose a cage. I have outlined my choices and the reasons for them but other people will have different recommendations. A lot depends on your circumstances, expectations and, of course, your own personal anatomy. There are four important dimensions for a cage:
The length of the cage. Unfortunately, there is no standard system for measuring the internal length and penises vary greatly in length too, so you may have to use trial and error to get the correct size. I have a variety of cages but I prefer an internal length of around 75mm (3 inches).
The internal diameter of the cage. Again it will depend on how well endowed you are as to how wide your cage needs to be. My cages are 25mm - 30mm (1 inch - 1.25 inch) diameter internally.
The internal diameter of the rear securing ring. This needs to fit behind your penis and testicles and it secures the cage in place. Too tight and it will be uncomfortable and may disturb blood circulation. Too loose and the cage will simply pull off in use. I use a 45mm (1.75 inch) rear ring.
The gap between the front and rear rings. This is the gap through which your scrotum passes. Too small and it may restrict the blood supply. Too large and the cage will slide off in use. Unfortunately, this dimension is very rarely shown on any cage so once again trial and error is the only way to get this right.
Once you buy your first cage and wear it for a while you will work out what, if any changes, you need to get the correct fit. I was fortunate in that the first cage I purchased was, and still is, a nice fit for me.
When fitting the cage I use E45 cream or aqueous cream to lubricate my penis and testicles. This eases the fitting but is then absorbed into the skin so the cage doesn’t slide off again. I slide my penis and testicles (one at a time) through the rear ring then slide the cage over my penis, tucking in any loose skin so it doesn’t get trapped. Finally, I locate the locking system and put the lock in place.
In conclusion, for us, the move to a male chastity lifestyle has been the best single thing we have ever done for our sexual relationship and the benefits are being felt in many other aspects of our daily lives together.
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