How to Normalise Aftercare in Your Sex Life
on 4 Feb 2022
There’s a whole lot of focus on foreplay and it’s importance when we talk about sex—but what about after the whole shebang?
Foreplay, foreplay, foreplay—it’s so incredibly necessary when it comes to sexual relationships as it essentially preps your body and mind. Especially for my ladies and vulva owners out there, it helps lube us up so intercourse can be comfortable and therefore enjoyable.
Hugging, caressing, kissing, touching, getting handsy, and mouth-sy, are all super important foreplay actions to ready you and your partner(s) for sexy time.
Whether you like it or not, sex is emotional because a whole bunch of hormones are being released while you’re experiencing stimulation and getting intimate. Your body and mind will be on a high, especially if you and your partner climax, but what happens when it’s all over?
Lately, I’ve recognised how common the post-sex blues are. Feeling low, and even on the brink of crying are common emotions I’ve felt after sex at times. Even if I was in a loving relationship, or had just had an incredible sexual experience.
I thought I was crazy before realising how many of my friends feel the same way.
After some research and talks with my friends, I found out those feelings can be caused by Post-Coital Dysphoria (PCD). It’s a term which describes the negative emotions we can feel after enjoyable, consensual sex and can occur to anyone for a multitude of reasons—but we can go into that another time.
What I’ve realised after acknowledging these feelings, is how important aftercare is in order to try to avoid or relieve PCD. There’s so much talk around what to do before and during sex, but not a lot of dialogue about what you, or you and your partner should do afterwards.
For all my young people navigating new relationships, whether they be romantic or casual, may I invite you to join me in my new years resolution?
This year—after knowing what I experience at times after sex—I’m making a promise to myself to express my wants and needs, not only during, but after sex too.
Being young, it can be quite daunting to learn how to communicate with a partner, especially a casual one, about what you want. But let me tell you, it’s worth your while, and most of the time they will communicate with you back.
This year I’ll be telling my sexual partners how much I value aftercare and suggest some ways we can make it happen:
+ Lying and snuggling in bed together
+ Chatting in bed
+ Putting on a netflix show
+ Falling asleep together
There are a bunch of other ways to take care of your partner after sex as well and even if you’re not in a relationship, it will be appreciated. Find out how you can satisfy their aftercare needs and share yours too. Everybody wins.
I really hope the conversation surrounding aftercare with a partner becomes normalised so everyone can have the most enjoyable sexual experience possible because it’s what we all deserve.