How To Talk Dirty

by Lovehoney

on 15 Dec 2021

If you’ve ever wanted to talk dirty to your lover, but tend to end up totally tongue-tied, read this guide to pick up the ultimate tips and tricks.


Keen to dial things up with a spot of dirty chat, but no idea where to start? Then it’s time to make like early noughties Xtina, turn up the heat and get ‘dirrty’ with us...

Whether you want to send a few dirty texts, fancy playing a game of dirty dares, or are just after some dirty things to say between the sheets, you’ve come to the right place.

Although dirty chat tends to have a bit of a bad rep, it’s actually a great way to spice up your relationship AND tell your partner exactly what it is you like.

Initially, it can be a little daunting, but once you get into the swing of things, you’ll soon be talking dirty ideas and sending freaky texts while he’s in the office.

Why try dirty chat?

There are many reasons to give dirty chat a go inside, and outside, the bedroom.

For one, it can help heighten sexual tension, get you in the mood, and relax you. If you’re trying it in bed with your partner, talking dirty ideas outloud can naturally lead into foreplay, touching and teasing. It can even make sex more passionate and exciting.

Meanwhile, if you’re away from your partner and want to try sending some dirty text messages, it can really help to keep the spark alive. Just imagine how mindblowing the sex will be when you next see them!

You could also try Facetiming your partner or giving them a naughty phone call. Just grab some toys, dim the lights and lube up - then you’re good to go!

How to talk dirty: dos and don’ts

First things first, discuss it with your partner. Before diving in, check that it’s something they’re open to trying too - you never know, they might be keen, but just as apprehensive as you!

Once you’re ready to give it a go, check out these tips and tricks for doing the dirty (in a good way!)

1. Do: Set some ground rules

Before experimenting with talking dirty or dirty texts, it’s important to discuss with your partner any limits they might have or topics they’d rather avoid. That way, you can both go into it feeling as comfortable as possible.

Equally, if either of you find it too much at any point, it’s fine to dial it back a bit and take a break. It’s not for everyone, and you may find it’s not for you.

2. Do: Find out what they like

Part of the fun of dirty chat is getting your partner all hot under the collar, and that means finding out what they like, and what turns them on.

It could be a secret threesome fantasy that they’d love to hear you describe outloud, or it could be telling them in detail exactly how you want them to pleasure you… whatever it is, play on it, and expect things to heat up very quickly!

3. Do: Tell them how turned on you are

If you’re enjoying it, let your partner know!

After all, there’s nothing hotter than knowing your other half is aroused by the things you’re saying and doing...

4. Do: Tell them what you want to do to them (and vice versa!)

When thinking of dirty things to say, it can be really exciting to tell your partner exactly what you want them to do to you.

Start off slow with things like kisses, strokes and touches, before getting into the truly naughty details… Do you want them to do you from behind? Have you been keen to try rimming?

So long as they’re comfortable, open minded and keen to hear your deepest desires, you can take your dirty chat anywhere you want it to go...

5. Do: Try some dirty dares

If you’re planning an at-home date night, why not try out some dirty dares?

You could agree on some naughty forfeits (like taking off an item of clothing) or involve toys like blindfolds and handcuffs to really heat things up.

If you’re all out of ideas for dares, try our truth or dare card game, or have some fun with these naughty dice.

6. Do: Have fun with it!

Try not to overthink it. Talking dirty should be a fun experience for both of you.

7. Don’t: judge them

While exploring dirty chat with your partner, it’s important to stay open minded. If they end up saying something you weren’t expecting, don’t laugh at them and try not to judge them.

Being open and honest with your partner and willing to listen to their desires will only make your bond as a couple stronger.

8. Don’t: Get pushy

Equally, don’t be pushy with your partner. If you’re saying certain kinky things to them and they’re looking put off or freaked out, it's a good idea to tone it down a little or focus on something else.

The last thing you want is to make them feel uncomfortable.

9. Don’t: Comment negatively on specifics

Avoid commenting on things like your partner’s shape or size. Your lover may have insecurities you aren’t even aware of, so it’s generally best to stick to positive comments and compliments.

10. Don’t: Feel pressure

Try not to put pressure on yourselves. Remember, it should be fun! If it leads to foreplay and sex, great, if not, don’t stress. The more you do it, the more naturally it will come. You’ll be an expert in dirty chat before you know it!

The best dirty talk examples

Looking for ideas of sexy texts to send, or want to know what to say during sex? Turn to our list and get stuck in!

“How do you want me to touch you?”

“How do you want me to kiss you?”

“I love that look you give me when you’re thinking something naughty?”

“Undress me slowly.”

“I want to tell you a fantasy of mine…”

“Let’s make love slowly.”

“I want to taste you.”

“You have such a perfect… .”

“I want you to play with yourself while I watch.”

“How many times do you think I can make you come?”

“Lick me. Taste me. Fuck me.”

“Get on your hands and knees and wait.”

“I want to hear you beg.”

“I want you to come all over my… .”

“What do you enjoy most about us having sex?”

“Fuck me however you want to.”

“Let me look at you.”

“I want you to feel how wet/hard you make me.”

“I love how you sound when you come. Can you come for me?”

“I want to feel you inside me.” or “I want to be inside you.”

Looking for more dirty chat inspo?

Check out our podcast for more talking dirty ideas…

Or, have a look at team Lovehoney challenging themselves to talk dirty in silly accents without laughing…

Our favourite dirty chat games and dares


Written by Lovehoney. For collaborative posts between Lovehoney team members and guest authors
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Originally published on 15 Dec 2021. Updated on 16 Dec 2021