These are the top 20 questions we are most often asked about sex and sex toys!
on 31 Aug 2022
You probably have questions about sex.
It’s only natural! Sex is something you do with your own body, and you may not have had as much education as you wanted about it. Plus, I mean... some of the questions feel embarrassing, right?
How about sex toys? You’ve probably got plenty of questions about them too.
They can be just as intimate as sex with another person, and may help you discover new things about yourself.
Well, you can stop fruitlessly searching the world wide web. Here is your one stop for all the top 20 questions you’re too embarrassed to ask someone you know, or you think you should already know the answer to.
Questions about Sex & Body Wellness
Why am I bleeding after sex? Is it normal to bleed after sex?
NO. That’s a negative, negatory, nope, double nope and nooooooo way. It is not normal to bleed after sex, and it is definitely not normal for someone to tell you that you should.
Now, is it common? Unfortunately yes, we hear about bleeding after sex happening far more regularly than it should. Bleeding after penetrative sex normally occurs when not enough lubrication was used during intercourse. The bleeding happens due to microtears in the vagina or anus, caused by friction between the penetrating part (be it a penis, fingers or a sex toy) and your body.
The solution? Lube! Lube, lube and more lube. Water-based lube is compatible with everything, and if you have sensitive skin or experience skin irritation, try an organic water-based lube for the best chance of smooth and satisfying results.
We also recommend spending some more time on shared intimacy—think making out, stroking one another and whatever makes you feel nice. Being aroused before sex helps increase natural lubrication in the vagina, giving you a better chance at having a great time, not a bloody one.
Can you have sex with a UTI?
UTIs or urinary tract infections are incredibly common, especially in people born with vulvas due to the relatively short distance between the anus and the urethral opening. UTIs are primarily caused by bacteria getting into the urethra and one of the ways you can help minimise your risk of UTIs is by wiping front to back.
So can you have sex while you have a UTI? That depends. Have you been to your doctor and confirmed that what you’re seeing and feeling down there is in fact a UTI and not a sexually transmitted infection instead? Are you currently undergoing treatment and seeing a reduction in symptoms?
Advice varies, but the NHS in the UK does not recommend having sex while your UTI is active. It’s best to check with your doctor before doing the deed while you have a UTI.
Can you have sex while pregnant?
In most cases, yes, absolutely! Unless your doctor or midwife has told you otherwise, having sex during pregnancy is completely okay. You may find that your interest in sex changes while you are pregnant, but having sex during pregnancy won’t harm you or your baby.
The NHS in the UK recommends against having sex during pregnancy if you’re having twins, have gone into labour early, or if you’re in the later stages of pregnancy. Your medical team is the best source of advice for your personal circumstances, so check with them.
If you do get the okay to have sex while pregnant, you might find that your usual go-to sex positions aren’t comfortable due to the changes in your body. We’re rounded up some of the best sex positions for pregnant sex so you aren’t left wondering.
Can you have sex on your period?
You most certainly can. In fact, having sex (and masturbating) on your period may help reduce painful cramps and shorten the overall duration of your period.
There are so many points to go over that we have an entirely separate post all about having sex on your period. Check it out to learn all the potential benefits and exciting elements to period sex.
Can you get a STD from sex toys?
It is possible to transmit sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) and sexually transmitted infections (STIs) via sex toys. The best way to avoid the risk is by not sharing your sex toys with anyone. If you want to share your sex toys with your partner or partners, make sure you've all been tested (which is good advice regardless) and consider using condoms over your toys so they stay clean.
No matter how you’re playing with your toys, you should make sure they’re clean before putting them inside or on your body. Clean sex toys before and after use with sex toy cleaner for best results. If you don’t have any sex toy cleaner, warm water and a mild, unscented soap will work with most toys.
How to have sex?
Let me be real with you: ‘having sex’ is an extradorinarily broad concept. You can have oral sex (that’s where one partner stimulates the other partner’s genitals with their mouth), you can have intercrural sex (that’s where no penetration occurs but partner’s rub their genitals together all the same, also known as thigh sex), you can have anal sex and vaginal sex and sex with your hands and sex with sex toys.
So let's rephrase the question. How should you have sex? However feels best to you and the person you're having it with.
How can you get better at sex? The first way is to listen. If you and your partner have open lines of communication about what you're doing and how you're doing it, it'll be much easier to adjust on the go and make things enjoyable for you both. The second way is to know yourself - you can't tell someone what you want if you don't know what that is! So take the time to get to know your own body and what makes you tick.
If you're hoping for more advice, check out the Lovehoney Podcast episode dealing with pre-sex nerves and jitters. You can also check out the graphic to the left for some top tips from Dr. Megan Fleming, a certified Sex and Relationship Psychologist.
What is anal sex? How to prepare for anal sex?
Anal sex is, quite simply, sex where one partner's anus is penetrated, usually by a penis or strap-on.
Anal sex is all kinds of a good time, but it needs preparation. Unlike the vagina, the anus is not able to self-lubricate. That means you need plenty (and I mean plenty) of anal lubrication. Anal lubes tend to be thicker and more cushy than non-anal lubes, which helps them to last longer during anal sex. Water-based anal lube will be compatible with any kind of toys you're using.
Check out all our guidance in our anal sex reference guide.
What is oral sex?
Oral sex is where one partner stimulates their partner’s genitals with their mouth.
Not gonna lie, it's pretty great. Tongues are dextrous things, and can make for some fantastic sensations when combined with sensitive spots like clitorises and penises.
We have a lot of advice about how to have great oral sex. You've probably heard us say before that every body is different, and when it comes to oral, that couldn't be more true. That's why we even have diagrams showing some of Lovehoney's favourite oral techniques - try one out on your partner.
Can you get pregnant without having sex?
YES... and no. If you’re asking this question, you probably aren’t thinking about IVF and other forms of assisted pregnancy, but they is one way to get pregnant without having sex.
Rather, you’re probably worried because of a late period not too long after you and a partner fooled around, but specifically did not have penetrative sex. For the avoidance of doubt, in this context, penetrative sex refers to a penis entering the vagina during intercourse.
One thing to keep in mind is that ‘having sex’ comprises a lot of different activities, each with different levels of risk. For example, you’re much more likely to get pregnant by having penetrative sex without wearing a condom than by having oral sex.
However, there's always a risk of getting pregnant if any ejaculate or semen has landed on or around the vulva, even if the penis has not penetrated the vagina. If you're worried, it's best to take a pregnancy test or get in touch with your doctor.
How to increase sex drive?
First and foremost, examine why you want to increase your sex drive. Do you feel pressured to want to have sex more often than you actually do? Have people around you made you feel like you’re not having enough sex (even though actually you’re pretty okay with where you’re at)? Basically, if it’s a them problem and not a you problem, then leave them at the door and carry on, you’re just fine.
However, if you feel like your sex drive has suddenly decreased lately or you used to get in the mood more often and you're feeling distressed about it, it may be worth speaking to your doctor to rule out any medical causes. Remember, stress and medication can often have an impact on your interest in sex. (Some people are almost never or very rarely interested in sex - if this sounds like you, check out asexuality.org to learn more about the asexuality spectrum.)
You might find that orgasm boosters help to increase your sex drive, but they don’t work for everyone. Your sex drive can also be aroused by making masturbation a regular part of your routine.
Sex Toy Basics
Where to buy sex toys?
Generally, it’s best to stick to places with a good reputation – check reviews online for details, especially ones provided by third-party services.
When you're making a purchase, look for lock symbols in the upper left part of your screen. These padlocks indicate a secure website that will help protect your card details.
Does Amazon sell sex toys?
Amazon does sell sex toys, but we recommend caution: some sellers on Amazon provide counterfeit merchandise, which may look like the real thing but not be safe for your body. Be careful to only purchase from legitimate sellers’ shops on Amazon, like Lovehoney's Amazon shop.
Basically, the same rules of shopping for sex toys online applies to Amazon: do your homework and make sure you're purchasing from a reputable company or seller. Or, just shop here, at Lovehoney!
Can you bring sex toys on a plane?
In general, yes. If you pack them in your checked luggage, it's unlikely anyone will know you've brought them along. Just make sure you remove the batteries or switch on your toy's travel lock before stashing it away - that'll help prevent it from vibrating during your journey. Vibrations = suspicious, so keeping your toy powered off is the best way to stop anyone needing to take a look for it.
For more advice, check out our video guide on travelling with sex toys.
Take note, though! Sex toys are illegal in a few countries, so it could be against the law for you to bring sex toys there. Make sure you check before packing your precious favourite toy!
How to make a sex toy?
Okay, we know DIY is fun but we really do not recommend making your own sex toy. Why? Well, the areas of your body you might like to please with a sex toy are pretty precious, and it can be dangerous to use anything not made for purpose. Plus, you might lose something up your butt. No, we’re not kidding, that really happens.
The good news is, there are sex toys out there to suit every budget. Sign up to our mailing list for awesome deals on sex toys or check out our sale section for the best prices we have.
How to use rose sex toy?
If you, like many others, were inspired by TikTok to take home the Lovehoney Rose Clitoral Suction Stimulator, you've come to the right place.
The Rose Sex Toy is a clitoral suction toy fitted with Pleasure Air Technology, which means the best way to use it is on your clitoris. Put a little water-based lube around the rim of the toy and then gently place it over your clitoris – try not to get any of your labia inside, just the small head of the clitoris.
Now power it on and enjoy!
How to use sex toys?
How to use a sex toy depends on two primary factors: what toy you have, and what body part you want to use it on.
We have loads of guides to cover almost every sex toy question you may have. Start with our Beginner's Guide to Sex Toys to learn the ins and outs of a bunch of different types, then branch out into more specific guides, like How to Use a Fleshlight and How to Use a Clitoral Vibrator.
How to clean sex toys?
Cleaning sex toys is super easy.
Firstly, if they’re waterproof or they don’t have any electrical parts, give them a rinse, then spritz them with sex toy cleaner and leave them to dry.
If they do have electrical parts, instead of rinsing you’ll want to use a damp cloth to wipe them off, then spray with sex toy cleanser and leave them to dry.
For more guidance, take a look at our full guide to cleaning sex toys.
Where to hide sex toys?
We suggest: in a storage container, which you can then place under your bed or in a bedside drawer. We particularly recommend the Lovehoney Lockable Sex Toy Case.
We do not suggest: inside a fake book, under your partner or roommate’s pillow, or anywhere your pet dog might be able to steal it and chew it.
You could also check out super stealthy sex toys like the Arcwave Ion, which looks just like a Bluetooth speaker when left out on your bedside table, or other discreet sex toys. Check out our faves below:
Best Discreet Sex Toys to Hide in Plain Sight