How To Have Happy, Confident Sex
“It was the best ever.” “I came 10 times.” “We did it in the frickin’ rabbit run.” These are the kind of tales about mind-blowing romps shared down the pub, and in books and movies. In reality, not every single session is a swinging-from-the-chandeliers affair. And that’s the first thing to remember.
However, this doesn’t mean your best sex ever is out of reach – all you need is a bit of body positivity and bedroom confidence.
Easier said than done though, right? Having total sex confidence can be hard. Really hard. You can be 100% comfortable in your day-to-day life, but stripping off and bumping uglies with that sexy someone is a whole different ballgame.
Check out these simple solutions for getting to know yourself, and to thinking and acting more confidently in the sack, and you’ll be enjoying supercharged sexytime in no time at all.
1. Talk the language of luurve
You don’t have to be fluent in dirty talk to amp up your after-dark antics, but if you’re able to tell your playmate what you want them to do to you and how to make you come (and vice versa), it’ll definitely help take your under-the-sheets action from average to orgasmic.
2. Be playful
Teasing builds anticipation and excitement, and a giggle will help relax you both, so enjoy letting go with a suggestive text or a spot of light spanking. Making your partner smile will turn you on even more.
3. Crank up your body confidence
That lovin’ feeling comes deep from within and there are things you can do to get it bubbling to the surface every damn day and night. Concentrate on your strengths: when do you feel great? Do you run, climb, dance? Think about that feeling and transfer it to the bedroom. Treat yourself to new lingerie that’ll make you look, and feel, like a siren or sex god. And if you don’t feel confident to start, act like you are. Make like Beyoncé and channel your Sasha Fierce. Your inner diva can be anyone you want him or her to be, and soon the act will become a reality.
4. And relax
No use hitting the bedroom running when you’re stressed to the max. Got an hour before your boo gets home? Get in some me-time to help maximise the we-time. Take a bath, do a spin class, slap on a face mask and chill, or simply kick back with your feet up and some seriously sexy tunes.
5. Lube, glorious lube
People who use lube have better sex. Fact. Not only is the slippery stuff a friend to vaginas, penises and bums, there’s a whole world of different types out there to discover. 70% of women have found sexual experiences more enjoyable when they’ve used lubrication. And a slathering of anal lube is essential if you're enjoying a bit of bumfunnery.
6. Two words: sex toys
When it comes to finding confidence in the bedroom, even tiny sex toys can make a massive difference. They’ll encourage you get to know your body and make orgasming easier, which should help you feel bonded with your boo. Orgasms relieve tension and lead to feelings of intimacy, and if you’re getting more of them, you’re going to be super-charged with confidence.
7. Know your limits
Having fun and fearless sex is about letting go of inhibitions but also knowing what boundaries you have. Boundaries can bring a sense of security, and while you’re talking about what’s off limits you can also talk about what limits you'd like to be taken to, and how.
8. Get some sexercise
Like anything in life, the big things always go better if you put the groundwork in first. Running a 10k? Better get a few round-the-blocks in first. And when it comes to sex, any warm up is fun. If you have a vagina, jiggle balls can help to tone and strengthen pelvic floor muscles. They can also heighten arousal to have you feeling frisky. If you've got a penis, using a stroker can help you last longer and improve stamina. In fact, any kind of solo prep, especially where you’re getting to know what you like best, means that on the actual night, the bangs will be bigger and better.
9. Try sexperimenting
Switch up that sex script and be open to new things. Keep an eye on our positions of the week, get your RADA hat on for a bit of role play, get it on somewhere other than the bedroom. By mixing things up between the sheets (or elsewhere), you'll get to explore new experiences together and discover new pleasures, which will ultimately bring you closer to your kinky companion.
10. Divulge your desires
Once you’ve got the knack of important oversharing, tapping into your deepest desires is next on the menu. Filling your partner in on what you fantasise about most will start you on a journey together to the Land of Multiple Os. There’s no pressure to act them out straight away, it can be a long-term expedition in which you learn a ton about yourself, and each other.
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